I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
