I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
