just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize