Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
