Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
