Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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