Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
