Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
