Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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