i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
