I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
