I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im holly from the hills drunk
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
