yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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