FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he had hair everywhere except his balls
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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