did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
