He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
