Already got asked if we're dating
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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