I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
