You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
