Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it because I queefed?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
As shirtless as possible
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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