so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
