My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
