Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
