ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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