did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
