Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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