My hand turned me down
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
