He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
