eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
