im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
