I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
