I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
