yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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