We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
