But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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