I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We had to coat check the pizza.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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