Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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