All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
