thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
