His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
