At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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