Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
