with your own penis?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize