she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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