Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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