He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
