I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
