Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
