That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
don't judge my taste in strippers
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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