Umm I'm too high to move.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
