hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
