areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
