One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
