Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
