Ambien. No doubt about it.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
