I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
