oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
