Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
