I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
