Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
