i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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