I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Mom said you looked used
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
