Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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