The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
