You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
