Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
