I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
