You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
