dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
