K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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