We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
