there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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