ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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