My liver just broke up with me...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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