His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
