Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
