Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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