I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
