i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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