Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
